and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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