Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
