You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
