made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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