I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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