I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
