I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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