Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize