Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
