it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
