I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
