grandma shit on top of the toilet
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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