If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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