At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize