if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
