Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
