On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
