coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
