Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
