i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
