it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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