I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
