the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize