I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
