WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
