oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
