I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
