Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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