u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
