i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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