Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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