My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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