I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
