was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
