i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
