Barsexuality is the new black.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Panties = found
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