so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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