what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
