Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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