i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
