she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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