Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
