I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
