I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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