I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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