his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
