haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
