I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
