Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
