I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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