But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there's paper in my vomit.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
