listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
