Someone shit on the floor
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i came on her dog
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
