Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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