woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
