Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
