He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
smell my finger.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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