just tell him i said nine months
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
