oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
