This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
