he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
