U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
